blah blah blah and other meaningful sayings

i thought i moved enough this year to avoid this wretched time of year. the time where peope run around and look for the perfect gift while thousands more look for the next meal. the meaning is lost even on me and disenfranchised as i am it is hard for me to separate myself from those in need. i wish i could do more. but something would be more than i'm doing now. i've decided that iowa city needs to be purged. i was out on the street last night and courtesy was the last thing on my mind as i wandered through the bar. i wanted it all to go up in flames. like edward norton in fight club i was looking for something to happen. sadly i wanted to be that something. an abherent elbow here a misguided fist there. something. i'm wallowing in anger now. but not towards any one thing. just general anger at myself for my current position. i'm stuck in school but have to finish, because with out finishing there is no paying it back. maybe a year off will help. ofcourse i say that a year away and i'll never go back, but there has to be some lie to my truth.