running on empty and other skylight views

again i'm sitting in the library, pondering the meaning of existence, loathing all that surrounds me and others whom i believe have it better than i. again today i was told that things would be getting better in the future. people always say this to me. is my bleak outlook on existence so palpable? why do i even write here. no one reads this, and if anyone does, they seek solace in the fact that others feel like they do. this provides temporary relief that is not easily recalled during times of acute depressive espisodes. the feeling of isolation is a strong one that is resistent to most kinds of cognitive change. i'm not a psychiatrist/psychologist in any way (the former having less insight into the matter than the latter) making my points only observations from the inside.

the fear hasn't taken hold yet. it will come soon enough. lets all hope i have enough drugs to get through. before the bats arrive anyway.

the end is near

its like those people with the sandwich boards walking around know my fate! t-minus 8 days until the end. the end of studying. the end of hope. thats a little fatalistic, but probably how it will end up. yeah, i'm talking about my boards here. Step1 to be precise. can't type more. need to get back to Q-bank. oh how i loathe thee.