blah blah blah and other meaningful sayings

i thought i moved enough this year to avoid this wretched time of year. the time where peope run around and look for the perfect gift while thousands more look for the next meal. the meaning is lost even on me and disenfranchised as i am it is hard for me to separate myself from those in need. i wish i could do more. but something would be more than i'm doing now. i've decided that iowa city needs to be purged. i was out on the street last night and courtesy was the last thing on my mind as i wandered through the bar. i wanted it all to go up in flames. like edward norton in fight club i was looking for something to happen. sadly i wanted to be that something. an abherent elbow here a misguided fist there. something. i'm wallowing in anger now. but not towards any one thing. just general anger at myself for my current position. i'm stuck in school but have to finish, because with out finishing there is no paying it back. maybe a year off will help. ofcourse i say that a year away and i'll never go back, but there has to be some lie to my truth.

here i sit

here i sit alone and dreaming.
ok, so not dreaming;
here i sit alone and thinking.
ok, so no thinking either;
here i sit alone with a headache.
yep that it.
not a dream nor a thought but a dull ache
pulsing through my temporal lobe.

hardly worth writing about right? yeah, i know. but who does that which is unfounded can be founded in finding that which lost. more these days i see people reading of others on this thing. i see people reading in awe of things that have past and have not been a part of, but then i see people reading not in awe but in disgust or in shock. shock and awe. where have we heard this before. i prefer the spelling shawqinaw. i'm 1/16 shawqinaw. a little more shawqinaw everyday. roll down the window betsy its time for the annual tossing of the chair. we have no chairs here. and the rolling ones only cause confusion. three ring binders galore and nothing worth putting in them. i have the capacity for storage. what to store what to store. how about a painting? what painting? the painting the painting son. but i only have paint. subtract a t and you get the idea. who needs a right foot? selling one cheap.

cleanliness is next to...the chin bone

right. so cleaning. who needs it. metaphorically speaking. i guess one could say out with the old and in with mildew, but then why would you wish for that? i'm drowning in shit and that is no lie. but i guess it could be hyperbole because i'm sure you would smell me. i've amassed a mass of mass that is mostly nothing, but memories of unimportance. is that a word? i ask only cause it doesn't matter. i've accepted that. coltrane had it right. why limit yourself to a single note when you can try to play a chord all at once. listen to giant steps. you'll know what i mean. clean white snow. thats what we need. thats what we get. in abundance no doubt. when it rains you get ice and ice leads to a diamond fetish. sing the songs dance the dance ride the rides. hoops galore but when you are asked to jump you forget and say why. break the ruler in punishment for that one dear child. have some christmas cheer cause its the season for the season of being in season to be nice. lord knows that this is the only time of year for that. fuck the 364 other ones. play it big for your one single day. cause he's coming to town and you should look busy cause no reindeer for this guy. cause as keroac says, the best looking girls are in iowa.

oN THe PRoWL aND LooKiNG To FiND

on the prowl and looking find
a lonesome soul
on the prowl and looking find
that which is found
on the prowl and looking to find
where have i gone?
on the prowl and looking to find
a lost mind a soul a mind


where the hell have i gone? no one can say. elderberry wine and a fine good day. why look for what is in your field of view when all i seem to find are visions of you. lost witihout looking finding without seeking. trying to look but my eyes are blind. why listen for your presence anymore? you are not there. i am here. and that is sad. dance in the field of giants and hope they do not crush your presence. without daring there is no dare and without trying there is no there. speak now for though art lips are sealed. try to talk but nothing comes out. try to breathe but thine lungs have run out. seek the light. and you shall. but when you get there...there is nothing. but strangely thats all you have come to find.

Now I'm High Tech

here i am now in the world of cyberspace.
don't bookmark me.
you won't learn anything.
i don't share.
i don't play well with others.